As autumn settles in, we enter a new season: hobosexual season. As the air turns crisp and the leaves start to fall, these slick-talking opportunists prowl around seeking to exploit financially secure, independent women. While the term may elicit a chuckle, the harm inflicted by these con artists can be severe. While low-level hobosexuals love-bomb their way into a place to stay, the more devious ones are willing to weaponize marriage and pregnancy to finagle their way into financial security.
Who Is The Hobosexual?
Hobosexuals are desperate men, facing homelessness, are willing to exploit single women for shelter. They don’t swipe right for love; they swipe right for survival. A hobosexual is opportunistic and tactical. They rush the progress of the relationship and dazzle their victims with their bedroom prowess. (See “Dirty John”).
Women in relationships with hobosexuals soon discover that sex is never more spicy than when the rent is due. These manipulators have perfected the art of turning pillow talk into a lease agreement in no time flat.
Who Do Hobosexuals Prey On?
Are you a successful career woman? Do you have a credit score north of 700? Do you have a stable, well appointed home with a range of amenities? Then you’re exactly the kind of woman hobosexuals like to prey on.
These love train riders will sweep you off your feet, swear that you’re their soulmate, and move into your home before you realize what hit you. Before you know it, they’re in your kitchen rummaging through your fridge, offering to use your car to drive you to work, or asking to “borrow” your credit card.
Signs You’re Dealing with a Hobosexual
From the outside, it looks like a whirlwind romance, but from the inside, it’s just a well-crafted con. Love at first sight is really a financial plan in disguise.
The biggest red flag? The relationship is moving at the speed of light—fast and furious. These con artis want cohabitation ASAP, intimacy at hyper speed, and your spare keys faster than you can say “we’re moving too fast.”
Another sign you may be with a hobosexual is that they’re unwilling to talk about their past. When they do, you may find yourself hearing about their hard-luck stories or half-truths designed to tug at your heartstrings.
Hobosexuals are not above resorting to pity plays. The more skilled they are, the more likely they may end up on your lease or deed. Some manipulate the people they exploit into repairing their bad credit – all in the name of love.
The Long Con of The Hobosexual
Here’s where the knife really twists: a hobosexual isn’t content just to live with you—he wants to take over. And they will usually achieve this by mirroring you. In other words, the hobosexual mimics your behaviors, gestures, and speaking patterns to build rapport. They will claim to share your values, hobbies, and pet peeves to establish trust and fool you into the false belief that you both have so much in common that he must be your soulmate.
However, as he mirrors your every move, you’re the one who pays the bills. You’re convinced you’re in the best relationship of your life even though he contributes nothing substantive. Meanwhile, they’re pocketing the keys to your home—and draining your savings. Outside of your love bubble, they’re still living their fast life—substances, other lovers, and a relentless search for their next host.
If he’s moving too fast, hiding too much, or seems just a little too eager to move in, take a step back. While it may feel good to have a hobosexual by your side and in your bed, remember—he’s just looking for a place to stay, and once the next best opportunity comes along, you might be left with an empty bed and an empty bank account.