What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting, an insidious form of psychological manipulation, is commanding increasing attention as society becomes more aware of the subtleties of psycho-emotional abuse. This abusive power and control tactic involves one person systematically causing another to doubt their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.¹ It is a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident, designed to erode the victim’s sense of self and their grasp on what is real, often leaving them feeling confused, isolated, and frightened.² The aim of gaslighting is to gain power and control over the victim by distorting their reality and making them dependent on the abuser’s version of events.³

The term “gaslighting” has entered mainstream discourse, even being recognized as a “word of the year” by dictionary publishers, indicating a growing societal awareness of this manipulative behavior.⁴ While precise statistics on gaslighting are challenging to obtain, research suggests that a significant proportion of individuals who experience abuse are subjected to this tactic.⁵ This heightened awareness may stem from a greater openness surrounding mental health and increased discussions about emotional abuse in popular culture.⁶

This article aims to provide a comprehensive exploration of gaslighting, delving into its definition, manifestations across different relationship types, common techniques, psychological effects, strategies for recognition and coping, underlying motivations, and distinctions from other forms of interaction.

Table of Contents

• What is Gaslighting? Understanding the Manipulation Tactic
• Who Gaslights? Identifying Potential Abusers
• When Does Gaslighting Happen? Common Relationship Contexts
• How Does Gaslighting Work? Techniques and Tactics Explained
• Why Do People Gaslight? Understanding the Motivations Behind Manipulation
• Gaslighting Examples: Recognizing the Signs and Red Flags
• How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting
• Summary
• FAQ
• References
• How to Cite This Article

What is Gaslighting? Understanding the Manipulation Tactic

The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, later adapted into a 1944 film. In the story, a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own perceptions by secretly dimming the gaslights in their home while insisting nothing has changed. This deliberate deception causes her to question her sanity, demonstrating the essence of gaslighting.

In today’s psychological and social discussions, gaslighting refers to a situation where one person systematically manipulates another to cause them to second-guess their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This tactic is often employed to gain control over a person or a situation, creating a power imbalance that benefits the manipulator.

Who Gaslights? Identifying Potential Abusers

Gaslighting is most commonly used by individuals with manipulative or abusive tendencies, particularly those with malignant personality traits such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). While not all people with these traits engage in gaslighting, those who lack empathy, accountability, and emotional awareness are more likely to use it as a tool to manipulate others.

Here are some common profiles of gaslighters:

Narcissists – They may gaslight to maintain control, inflate their self-image, or avoid accountability.

Anti-Social Personalities – They may use gaslighting to exploit, deceive, or dominate others.

When Does Gaslighting Happen? Common Relationship Contexts

Gaslighting can occur in various interpersonal relationships and settings, including:

1. Romantic Relationships

In toxic relationships, one partner may gaslight the other to maintain dominance and control. This can include denying past events, minimizing the victim’s feelings, or shifting blame.

Example: A husband flirts with other women but tells his wife, “You’re just imagining things. You’re always so insecure.”

2. Family Relationships

Parents or relatives can gaslight children or other family members to exert control or avoid responsibility for their actions.

Example: A parent who physically punishes a child may later say, “That never happened—you must have dreamed it.”

3. Workplace Manipulation

A boss or colleague may gaslight someone to undermine their confidence, cover up mistakes, or gain a competitive edge.

Example: A manager assigns an unrealistic deadline and later denies ever setting it, blaming the employee for being ‘forgetful.’

4. Friendships

A toxic friend may gaslight someone to manipulate them into staying in the friendship or feeling indebted.

Example: A friend constantly cancels plans and, when confronted, says, “You’re so dramatic—I never said I’d meet you.”

5. Political and Social Manipulation

Politicians and media figures may gaslight the public by spreading misinformation, denying facts, or downplaying crises.

Example: A public official caught in a scandal claims, “This is all fake news,” despite overwhelming evidence.

How Does Gaslighting Work? Techniques and Tactics Explained

Gaslighting often follows a pattern that involves manipulative strategies designed to confuse and control the victim. Here are some of the most common tactics:

1. Denial and Contradiction

The gaslighter outright denies events or conversations, even when the victim recalls them clearly.

Example: “That never happened! You must be imagining things.”

2. Minimization and Dismissal

The abuser belittles the victim’s feelings, making them believe they are overreacting or being irrational.

Example: “You’re too sensitive. It’s not a big deal.”

3. Deflection and Blame-Shifting

Instead of taking responsibility, the gaslighter shifts blame onto the victim, making them feel at fault.

Example: “You always twist my words. I can’t talk to you.”

4. Withholding Information

They refuse to engage in discussions or acknowledge concerns, leaving the victim confused.

Example: “I don’t have time for this nonsense.”

5. Fake Praise and Mixed Messages

Gaslighters may alternate between love-bombing and criticism to destabilize the victim.

Example: “You’re so smart, but sometimes you act really dumb.”

6. Isolation and Control

They may isolate the victim from friends and family to increase dependency.

Example: “Your friends don’t really like you—they talk about you behind your back.”

Why Do People Gaslight? Understanding the Motivations Behind Manipulation

Gaslighting is a calculated effort to control another person, but the motivations behind it can vary:

• To maintain power and control – Keeping someone confused makes them easier to manipulate.
• To avoid responsibility – Denying wrongdoing protects their self-image and avoids consequences.
• To shift blame – Making the victim doubt themselves allows the gaslighter to escape accountability.
• To boost their ego – Some individuals gaslight to feel superior or in control.
• To create dependence – Making the victim question their own judgment increases reliance on the abuser.

The effects of gaslighting often leave the recipient of the abuse feeling powerless, invisible, and unable to influence the relationship.

Gaslighting Examples: Recognizing the Signs and Red Flags

Gaslighting can take many forms, but here are some common real-life examples:

• Denying Infidelity – A cheating partner insists, “You’re crazy, I would never do that,” despite clear evidence.
• Rewriting History – A toxic friend says, “I never said that,” when confronted with hurtful comments.
• Manipulating Emotions – A parent tells a child, “You’re imagining things,” when the child recalls a traumatic event.
• Workplace Gaslighting – A boss claims, “I never promised you a promotion,” despite documented conversations.
• Medical Gaslighting – A doctor dismisses a patient’s symptoms as “all in your head,” leading to delayed treatment.

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

If you suspect you’re being gaslighted, here are steps to safeguard your mental well-being:

• Trust Your Instincts – If something feels wrong, don’t dismiss your feelings.
• Keep a Record – Document conversations and incidents to validate your experiences.
• Seek Outside Perspective – Talk to trusted friends, therapists, or support groups.
• Set Boundaries – Reduce interactions with the gaslighter and refuse to engage in their mind games.
• Educate Yourself – Understanding gaslighting tactics makes it easier to recognize and resist them.

Summary

Gaslighting is a damaging form of psychological manipulation that can occur in relationships, workplaces, families, and even politics. It involves denial, blame-shifting, and distortion of reality to make victims doubt their own experiences. Recognizing gaslighting tactics is the first step toward protecting yourself and regaining control over your own reality. Awareness, validation, and self-trust are key to breaking free from the cycle of manipulation.

How Narcissistic Abuse Rehab Can Help

If you or a loved one is ready to break free from a toxic relationship and reclaim your life, Narcissistic Abuse Rehab is here to kick start your recovery journey. We craft tailored solutions that support your unique path to healing, offering empowering one-on-one coaching sessions every week. Our world-class coaching services employ effective, evidence-based strategies to help you rebuild your inner strength, reconnect with your purpose, and achieve your recovery goals. Experience online support that empowers you to overcome past wounds and embrace a fulfilling future. Book a FREE 15-Minute consultation today.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

References

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How to Cite This Article

Wakefield, M. (2022). What is gaslighting? Narcissistic Abuse Rehab. https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/what-is-gaslighting